an idea.....

so i kinda have this idea.. i love fashion but im not totally in love ive never really cared for whats in or out.. i just buy whatever i like.. but ive noticed that alot if things are coming back into fashion.. and people are always coming up with random things.. this year for 2012 i have this great idea.. lets see if i succeed.. im so very excited about this... very very.. LOL.. welcoming 2012 into my life....... lets see what the future holds..

p.s. im already shedding off some weight... :)

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

Happy new years eve

An again.... Today is alright.. Idk anymore... Yesterday was a bad night... We ended it good. But....... The pain and the thoughts... Idk anymore...

2012

In a day it well be 2012 already... Are you ready for a new year? I am.. All I wish for is to have a good year.. No more drama.. This years been to much for me to handle, I don't even feel like myself anymore... I'm always crying now, laying in bed like a bum... I miss my family. My friends. Most of all I miss who my husband use to be......... Hubby I hope this year is better for both of us.. I really miss you.......

I'm with you- avail levene....

-gaoliavang<3

Getting closer

&& I feel like I'm getting a bit closer.. Just a tad bit. But better than nothing right? I'm starting to let go of the past and just try to move on with the present and see what the future holds for me.. I'm trying my best... && wishing for the best !

Newyears resolution

This 2012 is going to be different.

1. I'm going to lose weight! At least 40 pounds!
2. Get my strength back and feel pretty and better than ever!
3. Thinking of another kid..... That's only on my half...
4. Get a better paying job!
5. get a laptop ive been wanting one since forever
6. and my idea!! hopefully it comes through:)

Already gone

This song has been on my repeat! This is how I feel at the moment... Today's a bit better.. Or this weekend I should say has been alot better.. We have moments where I can't keep my mouth shut... But something still isn't feeling right.. He always askes me whT Dino want from him? I'm getting everything my way an that I should be happy! But what he doesnt get is that I don't want everything my way. I'm not just thinking of myself! It's really hard to ask or try to ask a person to try again when they don't want to no more.. And I'm not gonna use rylan as an excusse to stay, because really if he sees what I see then why not try again.. Even if it means being unhappy for a while.. Idk anymore.. Do I even make sense? Whatever really fed up with this drama!

To transition..

A part of me is gone, it's time to change.. For the better.. Slowly I'll learn how to be much more patience then I already am. I'll fight this battle and I will win! I need my confidence back, my strength, where are you? I need to be a better mother for my baby. To let him see me as a strong person! I'm sticking around for me and rylan and I'll be here til my last breathe! I promise I'll climb every mountain you throw at me, even if I fall back down I'll push twice as hard and climb it over again! I'm coming strong! Be ready for me..

And it goes on..

Why is it so hard to move on and pet go. The heart want what the heart wants.. But it hurts us both.. Idk... It's going to take me a while to understand and let go.. It's not like I don't want to I do.. But something is still holding me back.. Well wait to see.. And other the other hand Christmas is around the corner:) happy holidays..

Hope

I just wanna thank god for being by my side. I've been through so much these past few months.. So much stress that's been put on my shoulders so many tears that's fallen off my cheeks. Alot of heart breaking and pushing me to the breaking point.... But I'm not gonna give up just yet.. I'll win this battle....

I thought

That maybe we could work through this. Appearently I thought wrong. I think it's really time to give up. I can't hold on to a life like this anymore... It's dragging me down.... I'm stressing out to much. Idk what to do anymore. Maybe we both well be happier without each other. I've been trying so hard to work this out but it's not helping. Goodbye my almost lover.

5 years

Happy 5 years to Ricky and I we been through a rough patch lately but we can get through it. I know we can. I love you hun.

Does it get any better.........

It hurts.. My heart.. It beats with every breathe I take. I don't know what to do any more.. I'm confused now. We can't let eachother go yet we don't love eachother anymore... We have a wonderfull little boy who does not deserve us as parents. What did he do? All we ever do is yell and argue around him. Should we stick together and work things out? Idk. All I know is that my heart is broken in half. Maybe even a thousand pieces........

Another day...

Here I go again... Should I vent my heart out on here? No..... Slowly I'm dying inside. It hurts and there's nothing I can do about it. Maybe I can but I don't want too.

.. Love is like a love song.....

So many song to remind me of us.. Where we stand today. Hopefully our fate was meant to be.

Thoughts....

Immfeeling weak as of right now. My whole world feels like it's gonna crash down. Today just was not my day but it's okay I've heard what I wanted to hear! Enough said...... My heart is sliced in two...let's face it your gonna be okay! I hope so at least.

i hate this part right here

i don't know what to say or do anymore, part of me is already dead. and the other parts just alive because my son means the world to me and i have to show him that i can still be his mother. vie always been the kind of girl who falls inlove fast and ive always wanted a happy marriage. a good fairy tale eh? i guess its really here, and it has hit me really hard in the face.REALITY!! sigh....

sooooo fnally got my case

very excited

And at the end

I'm alone again. I feel so alone. My hearts breaking in half right now. I don't feel this love anymore. I've tried hard enough to make it last. I've tried to be the good wife. My heart aches please tell me why I'm always the one hurting. Why am I the one who still cares? I've always been so faithfull. Maybe strict and mean but I do have a heart.

Yay:)

Guess what??!?! Did you say what already!????? I got my keyboard buddy case:) Whoot Whoot:) bye lovers well do a review for it soon:)

BiG 21

So one of my best friend is turning 21 in sep. She wants all of us to go to Vegas with her:) I really want to go so well see ugh. Lifes a bitch no money...

Key board buddy case;)

I want it!!!!!!!!!! Lol next paycheck;)

It's been while.....

Wow, I haven't touched my blog since In forever. I use to run to this place to vent out all my anger or what was building up inside of me, but for some reason I just stop coming here. Werid eh? But like it is I need to vent out that's probably why I'm back. I feel stressed and depressed, which is not a good thing. I feel as if I hate everyone around me! Idk what's wrong with me I'm just really upset, mad, angry at everyone and myself. I think I need a break from everything, running is never gonna slice anything but maybe it well give me a peace at mind. Maybe that's all I need. We shall see what happens from here on out.

Really fed up!

I'm always angry! Because everyones Always lazy ! I can never be happy ever! Everyone relys on me whether they think so or not! Why do I always have to tell everyone or remind them to clean after themselves! These people are grown! I have two people I'm already taking care of! Idgaf anymore! Been staying lazy because people don't appreciate you!