an idea.....

so i kinda have this idea.. i love fashion but im not totally in love ive never really cared for whats in or out.. i just buy whatever i like.. but ive noticed that alot if things are coming back into fashion.. and people are always coming up with random things.. this year for 2012 i have this great idea.. lets see if i succeed.. im so very excited about this... very very.. LOL.. welcoming 2012 into my life....... lets see what the future holds..

p.s. im already shedding off some weight... :)

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

Happy new years eve

An again.... Today is alright.. Idk anymore... Yesterday was a bad night... We ended it good. But....... The pain and the thoughts... Idk anymore...

2012

In a day it well be 2012 already... Are you ready for a new year? I am.. All I wish for is to have a good year.. No more drama.. This years been to much for me to handle, I don't even feel like myself anymore... I'm always crying now, laying in bed like a bum... I miss my family. My friends. Most of all I miss who my husband use to be......... Hubby I hope this year is better for both of us.. I really miss you.......

I'm with you- avail levene....

-gaoliavang<3

Getting closer

&& I feel like I'm getting a bit closer.. Just a tad bit. But better than nothing right? I'm starting to let go of the past and just try to move on with the present and see what the future holds for me.. I'm trying my best... && wishing for the best !

Newyears resolution

This 2012 is going to be different.

1. I'm going to lose weight! At least 40 pounds!
2. Get my strength back and feel pretty and better than ever!
3. Thinking of another kid..... That's only on my half...
4. Get a better paying job!
5. get a laptop ive been wanting one since forever
6. and my idea!! hopefully it comes through:)

Already gone

This song has been on my repeat! This is how I feel at the moment... Today's a bit better.. Or this weekend I should say has been alot better.. We have moments where I can't keep my mouth shut... But something still isn't feeling right.. He always askes me whT Dino want from him? I'm getting everything my way an that I should be happy! But what he doesnt get is that I don't want everything my way. I'm not just thinking of myself! It's really hard to ask or try to ask a person to try again when they don't want to no more.. And I'm not gonna use rylan as an excusse to stay, because really if he sees what I see then why not try again.. Even if it means being unhappy for a while.. Idk anymore.. Do I even make sense? Whatever really fed up with this drama!

To transition..

A part of me is gone, it's time to change.. For the better.. Slowly I'll learn how to be much more patience then I already am. I'll fight this battle and I will win! I need my confidence back, my strength, where are you? I need to be a better mother for my baby. To let him see me as a strong person! I'm sticking around for me and rylan and I'll be here til my last breathe! I promise I'll climb every mountain you throw at me, even if I fall back down I'll push twice as hard and climb it over again! I'm coming strong! Be ready for me..

And it goes on..

Why is it so hard to move on and pet go. The heart want what the heart wants.. But it hurts us both.. Idk... It's going to take me a while to understand and let go.. It's not like I don't want to I do.. But something is still holding me back.. Well wait to see.. And other the other hand Christmas is around the corner:) happy holidays..